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Senate Statement: Zupan, Yoho

Men:

First of all, I’d like to thank everyone who voted us on to a preliminary victory. To those who did not, I’d like to explain why you may want to reconsider your choice.

Brock and I have a combined 4 years involvement with Senate, making us the most experienced slate. We’ve helped provide 3 Homecomings, and are looking forward to making our fourth and final one our best yet. In addition to our fall dance, we’ve helped with the Flag Football Tournament, Halloween on Campus, Easter on Campus, and a multitude of other events as well.

Finally, as you may have heard from my speech, our families are rooted in Senate Tradition. My Brother Matthew served as Student Senate President in the 2009-2010 school year, as was my brother Michael during 2013-2014. Brock and I have taken part in the Green Team, SiEnta, Ping-Pong Club, Engineering Society, Male Modeling, various varsity sports, and other clubs and activities as well.

Being better-looking than Derek Zoolander, with our family traditions of strong-leadership, and combined with our personal experience in Senate, Brock and I make an impressive team. This team would do well leading our school, and you can make that happen by taking a few seconds during your lunch to vote Zupan-Yoho.

God Bless, and Go cats

Stephen Zupan and Brock Yoho

Princeton University musical-theater troupe performs at Breen Center

By Patrick Millican ’15

Though its name is a play on the name of Al Gore’s magnum opus (no, not his patent on the Internet), An Inconvenient Sleuth is not insufferably long, nor does it make predictions of twenty-foot rises in sea levels that would be proven laughably false almost immediately. Performed by Princeton’s musical-theater troupe, the Triangle Club, the student-written performance deals with the kidnapping of the mayor of Smalltown, USA, and the subsequent outbreak of crime in the formerly felony-free town. The story focusses on four misfit teenagers, the Treehouse Gang, who fancy themselves part-time detectives and find themselves on the trail of the mayor, who (spoiler alert, which I feel free to give you because the play isn’t coming back) turns out to have kidnapped himself.

Along the way, the musical’s writers poke tongue-in-cheek fun at a bevy of pop-culture tropes. Their morning talk-show hosts Katie and Kathy channel the hopped-up effulgence of Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford, while the mayor’s insistence that he made the town crime-free and that without him the city would collapse into Stalingrad-esque ruin, has eerie commonalities with the New York City police department’s recent work-stoppage non-strike to prove how integral has been tough, broken-windows policing since the Giuliani era. Later on, librarians torture the Treehouse Gang by forcing them to identify feminist imagery in the Last of the Mohicans, which should remind any student of the straws at which English teachers frequently grasp in an effort to torture–uh, broaden the horizons of–their students.

If the viewer thought he was in for strictly humorous fluff, An Inconvenient Sleuth left him disappointed. From greed and the profit motive to the conflict over whether the tendency to sin is governed by environment or internal flaws, there was red meat aplenty for the thinking consumer of amateur musicals, which this reviewer does not fancy himself by any means. Counterbalancing this treatment of mature topics was the lighthearted and exceedingly well-crafted libretto, the songs of which proved to be the highlight of the evening’s performance. Outstanding in the score were “Drowning in Sadness,” in which the mayor’s wife begins to fraternize with her poolboys as soon as her husband goes missing; “Chase Scene,” in which a barbershop quartet delivers a very meta narration of the chase scene unfolding behind them; and the cake-taker, “Justice Is Coming,” which involved a line of ten or so male performers dressed in drag as Lady Justice doing a sort of kickline-burlesque routine with concomitantly raunchy lyrics.

This reviewer’s plus-one for the evening, his mother, was floored by how professional the orchestra, singing, and choreography were for a troupe of college kids to have come up with on their own. She, like the reviewer, also particularly liked the closing number, “Everyone Is Guilty,” in which the whole cast celebrated the sinfulness, from venial to mortal, that besets everyone, as well as the moral gray area in which many of our decisions are made. Isn’t that uplifting?

Coffee House 2015 ultimately a success

By Sam Royer ’15

It was a night filled magic tricks, jam sessions, and romantic advice from the Love Guru himself.

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Senior Connor Rechin wows the crowd with his magic tricks.

The second annual Coffee House was a success, and proof that the students of Saint Ignatius High School can do more than produce eleven state championships for football.

With Kevin Gross ‘15 as the MC, the event kicked off with a series of solo numbers by Carl Jakubowski ‘15. With his guitar in hand, Carl successfully tackled songs like Weezer’s “Island in the Sun” and Green Day’s “Time of Your Life.

Followed by Carl, seniors Mike Berry and Charlie Zimmerman took the stand to read “original” poetry.

Next came the always outstanding advice from The Eye’s own Love Guru, Liam Garven ‘15. Garven, who proved to be quick on his feet, accepted questions from the audience and was prompted to explain if the “DM Dive” could be effective when attempting to woo a lady. Garven said the dive “starts the relationship with a bit of a spark,” but that it “has to be bold but not too rash.”

Between Garven and the next act, Magnificat student Bridget Smith took the stage with a rolled up poster board, proceeding to ask boyfriend Kevin Gross ‘15 to attend Magnificat Prom with her (he said yes).

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Patrick Millican ’15 playing “Hot Cross Buns” on his recorder

Following the grand prom-posal, John Ortega ‘16 took his turn at the mic, delivering his interpretation of Denzel Washington’s 2011 University of Pennsylvania commencement speech. Ortega gave the speech with great ease and confidence.

To provide the show with a bit of magic, Connor Rechin ‘15 took the stage. Performing three different magic tricks with two assistants he picked from the audience, Rechin wowed the crowd, becoming a clear evening favorite.

After Rechin’s magical performance, Ignatius band Homemade Mashed Potatoes, Biscuits, and Cream played a set of four songs, including a cover of Young the Giant’s “Cough Syrup” and their original song “Flashlight.” The band, talented both in their guitar playing and vocals, consisted of John Bryden ‘18, Brock Hausmann ‘18, and lead singer Michael FitzGerald ‘18.

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Homemade Mashed Potatoes, Biscuits, and Cream performs. The band features freshmen John Bryden, Brock Hausmann, and Michael FitzGerald

A highlight of the night was senior Patrick Millican’s rendition of “Hot Cross Buns” on his recorder. Millican prefaced his performance with a shoutout to fellow seniors Charlie Zimmerman and Connor Rechin, who had allegedly told Millican they could accompany him on stage. “I honestly don’t even own a recorder,” Zimmerman later admitted.

Following a spontaneous performance of “Call Me Maybe” from a Magnificat student, and sophomore Vinny Camma’s Matt Barr cover, the evening closed with a much anticipated performance from Pending Generation, featuring Liam Garven ‘15 and Rex Larkman ‘15. The band, which formed before the students began at Ignatius, reunited to sing their famous original song “Love is Just a Word,” as well as a few covers.

With the combination of the performances and the free coffee and cookies, the show brought smiles to the audience and performers alike.

Student Senate Statement: Pallaki, Mielke

Men of Ignatius,

We would like to begin by thanking all of you who took the initiative, and the minute out of your day, to cast your vote. Also, we would like to congratulate the slate of Stephen Zupan and Brock Yoho on advancing into the next round, and wish them luck for Tuesday’s election.  We would like to commend Carter Spearry and Paul Warns on their well-run campaign and hard work this past week.

For this coming election on Tuesday, which will determine the student body president and vice president for the upcoming year, we would like to stress a couple of ideas that we hope to embody when in office. As we mentioned in our speech and impromptu response, we hope to bring in a new age of student involvement. We feel that Senate is meant to be of service to you, the students, and to the entire school community, as a result, your input is much appreciated in helping us with the events that we run. That is why we want to set up a suggestion box to facilitate this conversation between the Student Senate and the student body.

Next, we want to emphasize that we are the right men for the job. Both of us, through our past senate experience have a strong understanding of what leading Senate will be like, and know the work that goes into each of the events. We are ready and willing to do this work, and put forth our best effort in all that we do this coming year. Rather than taking this position and sitting idly by, we, as men of action, are planning on applying ourselves with firm dedication in getting the job done.

The final thing, we would like to focus on, is that we are here as a team. We hope to use each other’s skills to the fullest in all that we do for you. Our teamwork, and interest in what is best for this school, is why we are confident that we can honestly represent each and every one of you next year.

Again, we want to thank you for your support on Friday, with all the votes cast, and we hope you continue to show your dedication to a voice in student government. We hope that you keep in mind, the dedication that we have to this school as a whole, and the willingness we have to working hard in order to make this school the best that it can be for each and every one of us.

Finally, don’t forget to get out there during your lunch period and vote Pallaki-Mielke. We are qualified individuals and know what it will take to lead this great community. Let us represent you for this coming year, because we plan to work the hardest and strive to achieve the best for this incredible school.  Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Mitchell Pallaki and Gabe Mielke

New Valedictorian selection process remains this year

By Sam Royer ’15

Although the selection of valedictorian has traditionally been based on the highest GPA, the school has decided for a second year to go beyond tradition and follow a different process.

“Though a student’s GPA was a consideration, it was not supposed to be the only consideration,” Mr. Gavin ‘77 said.

According to Gavin, a committee was formed to determine a new selection process using the Graduate at Graduation document as a guide. With the document in mind, the hope is to find a valedictorian that would most represent the “well-rounded person the grad at grad espouses,” Gavin explained.

Based on GPA, the top 5% of the senior class is invited by the committee to become a candidate for valedictorian. The applicants are then asked to complete a questionnaire which is presented anonymously to the committee for review.

The selection is then cut down for a final round in which the remaining three to five applicants must give a short speech to the committee.

“The speech helps the committee understand the oral presentation skills of a candidate and his ability to craft an engaging speech,” Gavin said.

Student reaction to the selection process has been mixed.

“I would say that the selection process is a good reflection of the school and its mission. The valedictorian should should be at least a good example of the school’s final product, someone that exemplifies the grad at grad,” said Kellen Dugan ‘15, a candidate himself.

On the contrary, Matt Koehler ‘15, another candidate, said he felt the valedictorian should be the student with the highest GPA, admitting the new process makes it “kind of competitive.”

Regardless, the committee will select a valedictorian based on the new process in the coming weeks in time for graduation on Sunday, May 31.

Ice ‘Cats season in review

by Brendan DeVenney ’17

A lot of times after coming off a championship season, it’s hard to repeat and start right where you left off.

That was not the case for the 2014-2015 Saint Ignatius Varsity Ice ‘Cats.

Going into the season, it was all about “repeat” with the veteran group, as there were a lot of returning juniors and seniors from the 2014 State Championship team.

After getting a lot of national attention with 2014 OHSAA Division 1 State Final Hockey Game, where Coach O’Rourke’s Wildcats went three periods and seven overtime periods tied 1-1 with Sylvania Northview, only to be declared co-State Champions, there was a lot of pressure going into the season for this group.

I think it’s safe to say that they met all expectations, though. This year’s Varsity Ice ‘Cats were perfect throughout the entire season.

They learned their mistakes and setbacks in the beginning of the season, and after they perfected those, they went on a tear the rest of the year.

And it’s not like they had an easy schedule. The team traveled to Culver, Indiana for the annual Cornfield Cup where they played teams from the Midwest region. They came out with an impressive 3-1 record.

The Eagles’ Classic, played at the end of December, always bring tough competition to the ice for Saint Ignatius, but the Wildcats proved flawless with a 3-0-1 weekend at Winterhurst.

A special moment that Saint Ignatius was able to be apart of was on New Year’s Day in Toledo. The Wildcats hit the ice to take on Jesuit brother school, Saint John’s Jesuit, in the Toledo Walleye Winterfest outdoors at Fifth Third Field. The Ice ‘Cats started the new year on a high note with a 2-1 win over the Titans.

And after that win, the Wildcats just could not be stopped.

Coach O’Rourke got his team to peak at the right time. And peak they did as the Wildcats, led by Matty Geither, Jack Mazanec, Aidan Spellacy, and Brady Wells, among others, went on a 17-0 winning streak entering the playoffs.

That winning streak included a 4-0 record in the inaugural Cleveland Jesuit Classic, two wins in back-to-back weekends versus Saint Edward, winning 3-0 and 5-2, and their second consecutive Cleveland Cup title, which is only the second ever in Great Lakes Hockey League History. (The GLHL was established in 2013.)

But in every good team, and in this case you may say great team, there’s always flaws that only a good team can pick out and use to their advantage.

After cruising through the Brooklyn District Quarterfinal and Brooklyn District Semifinal, the Wildcats met up in the District Championship with rival Saint Edward with a State Tournament berth on the line.

Let’s just say that the Eagles broke down the Wildcats and never looked back en route to a 3-2 win over Saint Ignatius to capture their District Title and end the Ice ‘Cats season.

Even though we might not be heading down to Nationwide Arena for a State Championship, you can’t look past at the fact on how good this team was throughout the entire season. They stayed composed and focused and didn’t let anything get them rattled. There was nothing that they couldn’t handle in the regular season. This year’s team is one that people around the area and the state will never forget.

The 2014-2015 Saint Ignatius Varsity Hockey team finished the season with a record of 32-4-3, and went undefeated in Great Lakes Hockey League play with a record of 13-0.

Congrats to Coach Pat O’Rouke and his club on a phenomenal season! Let’s just say that next year, there is some unfinished business out on that ice!

Ignatius named “Cool School of the Week” by Fox News

by Sam Royer ’15

Saint Ignatius is officially a cool school!

This morning, March 5, 2015, Fox 8 News featured a news segment (shot at Ignatius this past Wednesday) detailing why Ignatius lives up to the honorous name of “Cool School of the Week.”

Teachers Ryan Masterson S.J. and Mr. Jerry DeCarlo and students James Norris ‘16 and Kellen Dugan ‘15 were selected to speak on behalf of the school in a two minute video segment.

From left to right: Mitchell Pallaki '16, Brian Koehler '15, Sam Royer '15, Matt Koehler '15
From left to right: Mitchell Pallaki ’16, Brian Koehler ’15, Sam Royer ’15, Matt Koehler ’15

“In high school you kind of think there would be certain cliques, but really the important thing I took from here is the fact that everyone is your friend. Everyone is here together,” Norris explained, regarding what he loves about Saint Ignatius. Masterson then went on to speak about the abundance of service opportunities featured at Ignatius.

Following the video, Senior Class President Brian Koehler and Mitch Pallaki ‘16 were featured on the live morning show to play a “Coffee Trivia Quiz.” On representing the school live, Koehler said, “It was a really cool experience and I’m glad I was able to represent the school.”

Perhaps the most memorable moment of the segment, and the best way to describe the honor, is Masterson singing: “Welcome to the place where wildcats rule, Saint Ignatius is a cool school!”

The Love Guru

by Liam Garven ’15

Dear Love Guru,
There is this girl who is beyond amazing. She has a soul and heart, still only pure. I can only imagine how wonderful my life would be if I blew like a leaf in the breeze out of the friendzone. What should I do?- Luke Diggs ‘15

Dear Luke,
Wow, it seems as if you really have some intense feelings. These kinds of strong and pure emotions can really fuel some fantastic writing. You may want to consider putting these emotions into words with some poetry or a nice narrative. It may seem extremely and slightly needy, but any girl will melt once they see your rhyme scheme and use of couplets. Remember, write a girl a poem, and you have found the way to her heart.

Dear Love Guru,
There is this cute West Side Catholic school girl that has been creeping on me for the past year or so. Whenever she hangs out with my friends, all she talks about is me? I’m not sure how I feel. How do I play this one, chief?-Dan Ertle ‘15

Dear Danny,
This predicament you find yourself in is definitely not a bad one. First, you have to straighten out your feelings for this girl. If you decide you reciprocate her feelings, then you have a few options. You could go the route of the “cocky yet confident” man. If you flash that Notre Dame acceptance letter just once, her love for you will multiply more than Mitch Pallaki. Also, you could be a little more aggressive. We all know that you’re the assertive Cheney to Mulach’s laidback Bush. If you have feelings, don’t let them hide and make sure you’re extremely upfront.

Dear Love Guru,
Quick question for your Love Guruness: This may or may not be your area of expertise, but I need you to answer a question. What is “upfam”? Everyone always asks each other but no one ever seems to have an answer. What is it? When can I use it? Is it an instrument? What does it taste like? What does it look for in a guy? Thanks for your time. P.S. Thanks for warming up my dinner -Your pal, Andrew Baldado ‘16

Dear Baldadadado,
This is a fantastic question, and the answer has eluded me for some time. I would often ask my friends, “what’s upfam?” and they would simply respond with an “Aye, nothing, my dude” or “Lmao, you good, bro?”. It seems to have no taste or anyway to really tangibly sense it, like love or Zimmerman’s hairline. Also, no, Andrew, upfam is not an instrument. All I can say with certainty is that upfam remains a mystery, and its effects on the world of love may never be known.

Dear Love Guru,
What do I do if the love of my life isn’t a libertarian? Whenever I ask her what the government’s next move should be, regardless of the topic, I always hope she says “nothing” like a true American and true libertarian would do. Obviously, she does not worship the ideals of the near deity that is Ayn Rand. I’m not sure what to do, please help. –Patrick Millican ‘15

Dear Paddy,
Your situation is undoubtedly a difficult one, as opposing ideological and political views have led to the end of many a relationship. Try and show her the amazing world of self-reliance and minimal government intervention. If she ever asks you for help in any circumstance, simply tell her “no” and watch her grow as a person from that experience. If that doesn’t work, you must ask yourself how much you love this girl. If that doesn’t work, you must ask yourself if you love her enough to overcome this near fatal flaw.

Dear Love Guru,
This girl I like is tough egg to crack. I busted out some of my signature, and nearly professional, dance moves in front of her, but it had little to no effect on her lack of feelings towards me. I was two-stepping, doing the Soulja-boy, dougie-ing, and even whipping! I’m not sure where to go from here; my moves have never failed! What do I do?-John Abdelnour ‘15

Dear John,
I would like to meet the woman who can resist the temptation of your dance moves, because you are widely considered the Michael Jackson of Ignatius, and maybe our entire generation. If at all possible, try and kick your dancing up a notch. You need to really be moving if you want this girl to view you as a suitable mate. If you truly have given it your all and that doesn’t work, then you may want to try some other arts forms like freestyle rapping. You’re a talented and creative kid and need to express that, whether it’s through dope dance moves or some sick rhymes.

Restaurant Review: Jack Flaps

By Sam Royer ‘15

Jack Flaps
3900 Lorain Avenue
http://www.jack-flaps.com/

Price: (6-12 dollars)
3 out of 5 paws

Jack Flaps Urban Breakfast Shoppe is one of many restaurants in Ohio City which prides itself on its uniqueness.

The restaurant, known for its richly decorated and flavored waffles and pancakes, is casually decorated with modern photographs of models whose faces have been covered by Jack Flaps’ food.

Despite the trendy decorations, the atmosphere of Jack Flaps is slightly hurried. The breakfast spot isn’t known for its extensive size. One will undoubtedly notice the claustrophobic nightmare of a line at the restaurant’s entrance briefly downsize as parties with more than two people exit after discovering that they will be waiting a minimum of thirty minutes for a table. Yet, the line will inevitably fill up again as the shop seems to be a hot spot for couples and small families.

Nearly everything on the menu is a classic breakfast dish, but each comes with a twist. One of Jack Flaps’ most popular dishes is the “Graham Cracker,” a waffle topped with Graham crackers, Nutella, and bruleed marshmallows. The dish tastes exactly as it sounds – sweet and rich, similar to a gingerbread house. The waffle is good for a few bites, but ultimately looks better than it tastes. Other popular waffle or pancake options include “The Bacon Brownie,” “The Fat Elvis,” and for those who are a little less adventurous, “The Original Buttermilk.”

Another popular dish is the “PB&J,” but don’t be fooled; this is no brown bag lunch sandwich. It’s a french toast dish, smothered with Chocolate Nutella, peanut butter, berry jam, and cereal milk whipped cream. The meal, rich with a sweet but not overly aggressive flavor, tastes better than the “Graham Cracker” waffle and is undeniably easier to finish.

When eating at Jack Flaps, one can select from a variety of side dishes, but like the entrees, each comes with a twist. The bacon is listed on the menu as “Mexican coke-glazed pork belly,” and has a unique smoky flavor.

Ultimately, Jack Flaps seems to be hit or miss, as some its meal options are just as much of a risk as going to the restaurant with a group. Most of the food is pretty good, but not always as good as it looks or worth the risk. One might like his meal, one probably won’t. One might get a table, six probably won’t.

 

Bradesca announces update in cell-phone policy

by Sam Royer ’15

“The ‘decriminalization’ of cell phone use is upon us,” Principal Bradesca ’88 has declared. After what has seemed like a long year of prohibited cell-phone use, an update in the school policy is being set in place.

“Allowing students to bring their own technology to school for instructional purposes and believing one can simultaneously eliminate the ability of students to communicate electronically with each other and the outside community appears to be increasingly unrealistic thinking,” Bradesca said in a letter shared with the teachers and faculty.

The change, which will allow students to use phones at appropriate times and for appropriate reasons, comes mainly due to Bradesca’s understanding that most students have two devices on any time, mirroring the college experience.

“Students use phones to take pictures of whiteboards, experiments in-progress in labs, to record dialogue in language class, to create and play reflections with video/audio for various classes, as well as quick note-taking and calendaring,” Bradesca said.

Bradesca has suggested that many teachers successfully take a “Ready to Use” position, a technique in which the student’s phone is placed on the right hand corner of his desk, supposedly lessening the temptation to text under the desktop.

Bradesca also acknowledged that the student behavior of any kind can really be boiled down to two words: etiquette and responsibility. “There are times when it is inappropriate to use [phones], and there are times when their use is of no consequence. Specific to cell phones, the overwhelming majority of our faculty and staff allow students to use their phones on a regular basis, both in and out of class,” Bradesca said. “Therefore, a faculty or staff member shall determine when a student is using his device in an unacceptable manner.”

Now, the cell-phone use policy has been updated to read as follows:

The use of cell phones or other electronic devices in a disruptive or unauthorized manner is not permitted. Use of said devices in an unauthorized or inappropriate manner may result in a JUG or confiscation of the device.  Serious offenses of this nature include, but are not limited to:

Use of school or personal electronic devices to perform unethical actions such as
cheating, unauthorized collaboration, or plagiarism (e.g., cell phone texting
answers or taking pictures of exams).

The use of a cell phone or any electronic device whilst walking

The use of a cell phone or any electronic device in a forbidden area, including the
chapel, restrooms, and locker rooms

Students may not use their cell phones to make phone calls unless they do so in
a school office location with an adult present.