The Eye’s annual April Fools edition, humorously dubbed The Lie (see what we did there?), was set to go to press when President Donald Trump’s “Liberation Day” Tariffs slapped a whopping 347% tariff on Canadian lumber and paper products.
“The days of Americans being sucker punched by nasty Canadians…and believe me, they are nasty people…very bad, sick people are over. But we like the maple syrup and those fries with the gravy and so I think it should be the 51st state. But I hear some of the people in charge don’t like that idea to much. Especially Governor Trudeau…I call him Governor. But believe me, the days of American carnage are over. A new era of American greatness has begun!”
The tariffs, which prompted an immediate economic panic on Wall Street, were also felt on West 30th Street.
“Our normal printing costs are about $600 per issue. Once those tariffs went into effect, our bill skyrocketed to $208,200. That’s just not sustainable given the amount of money the school has to set aside for Chinese-made imported Yondr pouches next year,” said Eye Editor-in-Chief Xander Smits.
“In the end, it was digital or nothing.”
