Everyone knows the rules: avoid or catch the dodgeballs so that the other team is fully eliminated. No head shots are allowed. Well, except apparently for the freshmen.
On April 3rd, the Freshman Dodgeball Tournament began. This year’s class of 2028 showed promise during the tournament with game plans being set by many groups and teams working well to get the other groups out. For many teams, their aggressive and quick-witted nature brought them to victory. Still, the end of these matches produced some serious concerns about their intensity’s ramifications. In addition to other state testing required of freshman, Mrs. Woidke noted that “Due to the violent nature of the tournament, I am now requiring that all freshmen be screened for concussion during their formation period.”
But how did the freshmen cause this mandate in the first place? It began with the match between the Freshman Chorus and Señor Cogan’s advisory. The Big Brother of the Freshman Chorus was James Kramer ‘26, who spent a large amount of time planning for this match. He thought that the game was played with “head shots only” and oriented his team accordingly. The Freshman Chorus brought their aggression to this match, aiming every dodgeball at the other teams’ heads. Fortunately, for them, many landed short at the top of the torso, allowing the team to gain a good grip of the match early. Additionally, there are allegations, while still unconfirmed, that the Freshman Chorus brought back in members of the team even when the team did not catch a ball.
Unfortunately, for Señor Cogan’s advisory team, many of them were terrified by the sheer speed and damage by which the Freshman Chorus was throwing. Within the first minute of the match, those that played chess, sports, or were in the Harlequins were brought out due to their commitments later in the month. There was no referee there to advise who was out, in, or on which team. Those who were not exempt from playing feared for their life as they occasionally got smacked in the face or hit right in the neck, rendering them speechless. The amount of the injuries in this one game alone tripled the injuries from any other year of the Freshmen Dodgeball Tournament according to Mrs. Woidke.
Still, the Freshman Chorus came out victorious in the end under the leadership of Kramer ‘26. As he told The Eye, “I’m glad the Freshman Chorus brought their A-game and caused so many penalties.” Make sure, freshmen, to head by Mrs. Woidke’s office for your 25-minute concussion check-up: it’s required.
