The Saint Ignatius High School administration announced this month that Advisory will be terminated beginning next fall as a result of increasingly aggressive orders by the newly created Department of Greater Education. These cuts are part of a larger agenda by the Department—widely called DOGE—to “target waste, fraud, and abuse” in the school community, according to Student Body President Jad Alsouss.
“Advisory has for too long been a bureaucratic procedure at the expense of students’ time,” Alsouss said at a recent press conference. “DOGE is committed to streamlining your school day —beginning with Advisory.”
While news of the cuts was generally well-received by the student body, not everyone was convinced. “DOGE has no right to remove the highlight of my day,” Sophomore Max Churtle ‘27 complained. “How else will I calculate my GPA or fill out my weekly Google Form?”
Critics argue that the Department is a cover for power consolidation, especially after it absorbed the school’s vending machines and water fountains last month. Insider reports suggest that DOGE is looking to remove the Formation period next.
According to Alsouss, Advisory will be replaced by a weekly email. When asked if Advisory could make a comeback, the President replied, “Only if it starts generating revenue like
DOGE’s newly acquired vending machine and water supply wing. Student government has never been so well-funded.”
When asked for the new funding’s destination, Alsouss denied claims about a new Student Body President Tesla Model S.
In the meantime, students will have to say goodbye to Advisory.
