Listen, we are all sick and tired of that stupid blue striped tie that you claim is your favorite tie, but in reality, is your only tie. It probably hasn’t even been un-tied in the two years that you have been here. At the only school in the city where you can be reprimanded for wearing the wrong shade of pants, it is important to express your individuality and character. The easiest way to do this is through the extensiveness of your tie collection. So take some advice. Head on down to the Dean of Students Office where Mrs. Pavlik and Mrs. Kane have been hosting a liquidation sale of one of the largest collection of ties ever assembled on campus.
Located next to her desk, Mrs. Pavlik’s necktie collection spins on a mesmerizing rotating rack display. Neckties come in a variety of styles and patterns and cost $1 each. Don’t be afraid to ask for a particular color or style, and feel free to browse the entire the collection. Sales so far have been okay, with an average of three ties being sold per day. Mrs. Kane estimates that she has sold more than 300 neckties so far this year. The accumulated money goes to the mission, so if you’re feeling particularly unfashionable on a Wednesday morning and want to get something for your mission money, consider livening up your upper torso with a new paisley tie.
Also know that what you see on the rack is not the whole extent of the collection. The Dean of Students office has accumulated hundreds, maybe even thousands, of neckties, donated from alumni, parents, and students. Sales are bound to increase with the arrival of the Christmas collection. Don’t know what to get Dad for the holidays? Who doesn’t love a new necktie (However, Mrs. Pavlik declined to comment on whether or not she would gift-wrapping ties). So hurry and head on down before the Rudolf ties are all gone, because nobody wants a Blitzen tie.